How NOT to Lobby 101

The other day I had one of those lobbying experiences that makes you appreciate all the more why we live in Wisconsin.

A group of lobbyists for the petroleum industry visited my office to discuss why they thought the Governor's tax on oil profits was bad. No surprise. The local Wisconsin lobbyists were professional and polite, like you would expect.

But they brought in a "big gun" from Washington DC to present the side of the petroleum industry, an economist from a large trade association. Yikes. Now I know why I'm so glad to live in Wisconsin.

First off, using "bloated ego" and "pompous" to describe some people only makes them, well, more pompous then even before. Enter the DC suit to explain to us dairy folk about how the e-con-o-my works. You see, oil companies really don't make that much money, as a percent of sales. My first B.S. detector went off - "net income/over sales" in a specific quarter still doesn't address obscene profits, it just provides misdirection.

Then the suit from D.C. went on to lecture me (the poor fly-over country boy that I am) that this really hurts public employees and other that have pensions that invest in oil companies. B.S. detection number two. I asked a union leader who is a friend of mine about this, and after his laughter subdued, he offered to counter that arguement. Not necessary I told him.

Then, my six-figure lobbyist from D.C. went on to throw out the biggest whopper of them all, that if we tax them, gas companies will leave Wisconsin. I'll repeat that for all you Wisconsin folk eating your cheddar cheese that we are always eating. Put it down for just one minute. The glass of milk too. Gas stations will pull out of Wisconsin according to the D.C. suit.

Now I myself was almost an economics major back in college. Three classes shy of the major, I realized that the major was largely theoretical, rarely practical and most importantly, nearly impossible to get a real job in a real world (ie Wisconsin) with it. So I switched majors.

But the absurdity of saying a small assessment of about $270 million over the next two years on excessive profits would drive gas stations out of Wisconsin, making us go horse-and-buggy statewide, is ridiculous. Exxon alone made about $4.1 million PROFIT per hour last year.

When I explained to the suit that given the market forces (big concept here), if any did indeed leave the state (which I explained to him why they wouldn't), others would fill in the gap to pick up the business. He pontif....pontific.....went on and on (hell I am from fly-over country!) to tell me why he was right.

After all his huffing and puffing about the tax, he explained to me he was on his way to the Capital Times editorial board to make his case. I told him he might want to rework his presentation a bit, to which he proudly (pompously in Wisconsin) said he wouldn't change a thing. To that, I gave him an advance "I told you so" when he receives a bad editorial.

But I wanted to share just a bit of my day, when Washington types come in to impress us poor Wisconsin folks. Any side of an issue has good points and bad ones. But it's always best to stick with your best arguments, with quality over quantity. I felt bad for the Wisconsin-based lobbyists, who tried their best with their well-suited friend. But as we gear up for the budget, this is an example of what NOT to do when lobbying in Wisconsin. I just wanted to get the word out before the fun REALLY begins...